Off and Away!

Yesterday was Peter's last day in the States. His phone is shut off and we have no way of contacting him. I don't know why but I feel lonely knowing I can't contact him. It's all becoming too real too soon. He called me yesterday as he was boarding to say goodbye and to tell me he will contact me as soon as he can...what does that mean? How long would I have to wait before we struggle to make small talk? I love my brother so much and I don't like the fact that I can't pick up the phone and call him. This morning I thought that I might be different, that I might actually be the one who gets him on the phone if I called...! I did get an update today, he checked in to Germany for a layover, which is slightly confusing because i thought he had a direct flight. Peter started out his Army career stationed in Germany for almost three years, that how I learned to cope and that's where the changes of who he is to day began to show, so I find it quiet fitting that he would stop there; I know when he reads this he will roll his eyes at me trying to make such a big deal out of his layover, and I can almost hear him make a joke about me trying too hard, but I am not trying and this is a big deal. Peter has always tried to make things appear miniscule, like they are not a big deal even his goodbyes are as if he is going on a cruise or something. I don't mind that about him because I know it is his way of trying to protect me and everyone else from feeling something with more depth, I know he doesn't want us to cry or get all emotional with him because frankly he just doesn't know how to handle that, and i do my best to be as non emotional as I possibly can, but I know that deep down he knows that me saying goodbye to him yesterday as he was boarding a plane to go to Afghanistan, while I was watching Annabelle in her gymnastics class, was by far one of the hardest things I had to do. For one I don't nor will I believe that it is the last time I will talk to him, because I know I will. I just wish that I didn't have to relinquish all control. I guess some of you might think I am and as much as I try to resist acknowledging that I am a control freak, I just like to know that I have the ability to tell my brother I love him anytime I want, and this morning I couldn't, the automated message I got after casually dialing his phone number told me so. Is this going to be hard YES! is it going to be harder on him? NO DOUBT! but I know that we will all get through this. Peter had a message: "Don't pay too much attention to the news!" and while that is easier said than done, I will do my best not too. Until next time. Support one another regardless of your beliefs.