Holidays

This time of the year is the hardest time to not have Peter around. I feel lonely even when I am surrounded by family, during the Thanksgiving dinner prayer cousin Larry gave Peter a shout out and in that moment I would have given anything to glance up and see him sipping on something in the middle of the prayer =). Christmas is just around the corner and I just don't feel like it's the holiday season, which is crazy for anyone that really knows me, because from the moment I see the red cup at starbucks I am in full blown holiday mode, yet this year I noticed that I didn't even squeal in excitement when I heard my first Christmas song on the radio. I saw Peter via skype a couple of times this weekend and loved every moment of it. He got to see Jacob and Annabelle, I loved hearing him laugh when Jacob was being his normal goofball self. This Blog has no purpose, it has no specific style, and frankly it has no direction. To me this Blog is important because it gives me a chance to express what I feel in the moment, never really sure that anyone will actually get to share in that moment with me, and trusting on some level that by expressing out loud (via media) what I feel that I can make room for more emotions which are sure to come. I feel like time is slowly passing by while he is not here and I just can't wait to hug him. I ask you to continue to pray for him and his safety, and I am forever grateful for all your support out there. Happy Holiday Season to all of you.

Voting Day

I really miss Peter today, we are not a very emotional family and try not to be so open, however, I miss my older brother, I wish so bad that I can give him a hug. I know that he is doing the best he can to keep himself safe and all of us ungrateful citizens who find it easier to give an opinion than to actually get up and do something. I fear this election the most because I don't want things to change for Peter, I want him home, I want him near, and I am not sure everyone on the ballot today has the same wants and needs. This is a short post, asking the voters out there to think of more than yourselves and those within a short radius of you, think of all the outcomes and possibilities before you take a popular vote or even a not so popular vote for the fun of it. Don't waste your vote, don't waste the next four years because this does matter to me, to my brother, and to everyone else. Be smart, be wise, and dare to challenge what everyone is telling you is right. I love my brother so much and if I can make him a tenth proud of me as I am of him than I will be happy. Go out there and make yourself proud. Be a good person, believe in something and don't let anyone change your mind. Stay Safe Peter. I miss you so much, and I can't wait to see you.

Deployment Mustache

I have spoken and even seen Peter a couple of times now and it has been great. He is giving me the impression that he is adjusting well. He has had some requests that we are trying to fulfill. One thing happened though that I was a little confused about how I felt about it. Peter posted a picture of himself with some locals on facebook, I am normally the first to get to look at his pictures because I get a notification every time he moves near his facebook =)this time I was a few hours late too look at it, and when I first saw it I was surprised that I felt upset to see him with locals they didn't look harmful in anyway I still don't know why I reacted that way, and some of the comments on his page didn't help either because they were joking about Peter being related to those people, I am sure I am just hyper sensitive to the situation but I felt anger towards the comparison and ridicule to Peter's approach to what I assume is a comforting message, even though he would never admit to that. I just have a hard time seeing him mingling in the market in Afghanistan because I hate the unpredictability of the whole thing. I know i shouldn't expect him to spend a whole year and some month on the base alone I just like to pretend that he is not in the middle of everything. However, I will take whatever I can so keep those pictures coming Peter! On another note his deployment mustache is coming in...sort of. I am getting ready for Jacob's first birthday this Saturday and I would give anything to have Peter here, but I am so thankful for companies like Skype because this means that I get to see him on this big day and that he can watch Jacob grow. Peter has told me that he is officially supplying his guys with Krupps coffee which means that I need to find a way to supply the troops with coffee pods...Thanks Pete. He has asked us to send him a TV and a heater...he cracks me up sometimes, Mike says he is waiting for the day Peter is going to ask my mom to send him a sandwich lol. Of course I am more than happy to help supply the troops with whatever they need even if it is a luxury item, because honestly a cup coffee is the least they can ask for after giving up everything. There are some crazy mailing rules when sending to Afghanistan, they make sense but are pretty strict, for example no pork or pork related items, no racy pictures or magazines...what is racy to the Afghanistan standards? Anyhow I will comply and get those packages going. If you know of a way I can get some corporate support for the troops let me know...coffee aint cheep and their demands are FANCY ! in the mean time please continue to keep Peter and the troops in your prayers.

Jet lagged

This week has been tough for me to grab a hold of. Of course there are things that just get you through and make it worth every moment spent. Peter has been in Afghanistan for a couple of days now and I find it a little easier than the last time he was overseas, social media has made this experience different. What I was expecting was long periods of unknowns, followed by quick phone calls at random times with minutes of greetings. Monday afternoon was one of the highlights of this week. Michael calls me around 3 in the afternoon filled with excitement and talking really fast asking me if I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize...up to that moment I was having a more than exhausting day and I wasn't sure what Michael was up too. But he told me it was Peter and that he is going to call me soon. Wow, I thought Peter is calling already, I was almost skeptical, because I couldn't help but compare my experience from before to my expectations....needless to say I was pleasantly surprised that it was him. Talking to him felt so good, he told me that he was jet lagged and that it was 3:40 in the morning in Afghanistan...before that moment I didn't really care or even think about Afghanistan, it was almost fictional, but as soon as he called me it became a real place with oh very real people to me. He sounded good, almost relieved; he mentioned that it was nice, not as bad as he had expected...not sure what that means because I can't imagine what he expected. But it made me feel good to hear his voice and to know that he was doing good. I can't wait for the next time I get to talk to him and see him on skype. Believe it or not I still remember the number we used to contact him in Germany 011491701502991 I kid you not that was the number I dialed many many times for my parents almost 8 - 10 years ago, that number means nothing now but it is something that I never forgot, this time his number will always be different, as he joked about all the telemarketers I am going to talk to, thinking it is him, I still felt good knowing that once in a while it will be him.

I Got this picture today from Peter's facebook page, he posted it today! I love social media for giving me the opportunity to keep up with my brother and see him while he is away. LOOKING GOOD PETER!!!!!

Off and Away!

Yesterday was Peter's last day in the States. His phone is shut off and we have no way of contacting him. I don't know why but I feel lonely knowing I can't contact him. It's all becoming too real too soon. He called me yesterday as he was boarding to say goodbye and to tell me he will contact me as soon as he can...what does that mean? How long would I have to wait before we struggle to make small talk? I love my brother so much and I don't like the fact that I can't pick up the phone and call him. This morning I thought that I might be different, that I might actually be the one who gets him on the phone if I called...! I did get an update today, he checked in to Germany for a layover, which is slightly confusing because i thought he had a direct flight. Peter started out his Army career stationed in Germany for almost three years, that how I learned to cope and that's where the changes of who he is to day began to show, so I find it quiet fitting that he would stop there; I know when he reads this he will roll his eyes at me trying to make such a big deal out of his layover, and I can almost hear him make a joke about me trying too hard, but I am not trying and this is a big deal. Peter has always tried to make things appear miniscule, like they are not a big deal even his goodbyes are as if he is going on a cruise or something. I don't mind that about him because I know it is his way of trying to protect me and everyone else from feeling something with more depth, I know he doesn't want us to cry or get all emotional with him because frankly he just doesn't know how to handle that, and i do my best to be as non emotional as I possibly can, but I know that deep down he knows that me saying goodbye to him yesterday as he was boarding a plane to go to Afghanistan, while I was watching Annabelle in her gymnastics class, was by far one of the hardest things I had to do. For one I don't nor will I believe that it is the last time I will talk to him, because I know I will. I just wish that I didn't have to relinquish all control. I guess some of you might think I am and as much as I try to resist acknowledging that I am a control freak, I just like to know that I have the ability to tell my brother I love him anytime I want, and this morning I couldn't, the automated message I got after casually dialing his phone number told me so. Is this going to be hard YES! is it going to be harder on him? NO DOUBT! but I know that we will all get through this. Peter had a message: "Don't pay too much attention to the news!" and while that is easier said than done, I will do my best not too. Until next time. Support one another regardless of your beliefs.

Introduction

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially not to my brother. I am a proud little sister to a 1st Lieutenant in the United States Army who will be leaving to Afghanistan in three days. I decided to open this blog as an outlet for me to express how I feel being home with my family and friends, knowing where he is. I am extremely proud of him and all his accomplishments and I couldn't think of a better way to share stories and updates about his adventure.